Mixed Feelings

My feelings about breastfeeding Ellery are very similar to my feelings about being a parent in general. After almost 16 months, we are down to only one breastfeed in the morning when Ellery awakens from his night of sleep. Originally, I had planned to just nurse him until his first birthday and then stop, but after awhile, it became so second nature and more convenient than giving bottles. It’s become so easy and such help when Ellery is sick and won’t eat or drink much of anything else. I can hardly remember how unbelievably difficult it was at first to nurse Ellery in the hospital when he was born, and for the first few months.

For the first 6 months of Ellery’s life, I kept looking forward to the time when I could stop breastfeeding because of how demanding and exhausting it seemed, but now I’m feeling sad that this special bond and closeness will be ending, and I don’t really want it to end.

As a parent, I have mixed feelings as I look forward to Ellery being potty-trained, walking, feeding himself, dressing himself and being more independent. It will be great, but at the same time, I don’t want him to change or grow up because I will miss him as a cute little baby. He’s only 16 months old and I’m already missing the time when he was so helpless and little. He is a toddler now — not really a baby anymore — and when he grows up it will be forever. I will never see that baby again, except in the photos and films we’ve taken and my distant memories. Childhood and especially baby and toddler age is such a precious time that I really want to enjoy this part of Ellery’s life, but it is with mixed feelings. I can’t wait for him to be out of diapers and be more independent, but I’m starting to miss that little baby so.

Oh no! The family intestinal illness…

Oh no, a day after Ellery got sick from the stomach bug, Peter started feeling sick and had to stay home from work for two days. Then a day after Peter got sick, I got sick ( I will spare you the gory details). Luckily, this was one of those 24-hour illnesses where you only feel really sick for about a day and then, just a bit out of sorts, for a few days after.

Ellery seems to be the most stalwart of all of us. He was playing and doing normal baby things just an hour after vomiting. Peter couldn’t get out of bed for an entire day, and I was almost as bad. Another close family bonding experience!

Walking, stomach bug and a full moon.

Poor Ellery has some sort of stomach bug. He had his first projectile vomiting last night at dinner. He didn’t quite seem himself all day and wouldn’t take his naps the way he normally does. He cried a lot when we put him in his crib for his nap. He also didn’t seem to have much of an appetite and was being extra finicky. At dinner, Peter gave him a jar of butternut squash and Ellery proceeded to puke most of it up. Being silly parents, we cleaned him up and tried to feed him again. We gave him cheese cubes and Peter thought that maybe he was just feeding Ellery too fast and that’s why he puked, but Ellery refused the cheese cubes and even cheese puffs (Pirate’s Booty) that he loves. He then puked again all over Peter when Peter was holding him. So we took him upstairs for a bath and directly to bed. Today I just nursed him and gave him mostly liquids. He has diarrhea now, but no more vomiting or fever, so I think he will be okay. A little scary at first though. And, of course last night, Sunday, it was a full moon.

In happier news, Ellery is just about ready to walk on his own. We bought him his first pair of shoes last week. Some really nice Italian made boots from a company called Melania. They are grey and black with nice maroon and turquoise trim. Ellery has started pushing his Radio Flyer walker wagon all by himself and can now walk by only holding onto one of our hands. He looks so proud and happy when he pushes the wagon by himself.

Christmas Eve 2005

Kathie, Jimmy and Rebecca Scutt arrived at 2pm today to meet Ellery and spend Christmas Eve. with us. We went to my mother’s apartment on Hicks St. for dinner. My mom made yet another one of her fantastic dinners served buffet style because there were so many people: it was Kathie, Jimmy, Rebecca, me, Peter, Ellery, my dad, mom, Maureen, Jay, Rachel and my friend Jackie Broner.

Of course, it was all a bit stressful for me because I was busy preparing the Christmas dinner in advance for the next day. Luckily, Maureen came over early and helped me prepare the stuffing, potatoes, yams and brussel sprouts. When we got to my mother’s place, I had to feed Ellery while everyone else was eating all the great food. I got worried that there wouldn’t be anything left for me to eat, and I was really hungry! But of course there was plenty of food left as it was my mom’s house and she always makes extra food. Something to do with being Italian? Or is that a stereotype? Either way, the food was really good and it always tastes better when someone else is doing the cooking. Thank goodness, I didn’t have to make Christmas Eve. dinner and Christmas Day!